Recently I said something to someone that was offended by what I said. I thought that what I said was funny. She thought that what I said was inappropriate and insensitive. Now me being me and being the only one that knows the real answer to my real intentions of my actions I can say that I truthfully didn’t have the intent to be disrespectful and I didn’t act from a place of maliciousness inside of me. It came from a playful side. I honestly thought it was funny. She told me how I could have said it in a better way and what I could have said that would have made it obvious it was a joke. But then I told someone else the joke and they thought the way I said it was funny to them. So now I’m in a predicament, which one’s advice should I take on who I should be?
As I’m growing I’m doing my best to use people and situations I encounter as a mirror or a reflection of who I am and as an opportunity to grow. I believe that I only attract who and what I am. So I realize that for me to have experienced someone being offended by my actions that I too am offended by other people’s actions and I use my anger to attempt to change them to my liking.
What is that? When I break that down to the root it makes me question, how can I be offended by someone else’s actions? Or how can someone else take the responsibility upon themselves to be offended by who I am? What if I meant to be exactly that of which I was?
Why do I get offended by someone’s actions that has nothing to do with me? And I definitely don’t have the right to change them. What is my expected result of me expressing my anger and discontentment about how I felt about their actions?
Ok, so what would be a better way to express to someone that I don’t like the way they made me feel? Better yet, should that even be voiced? It’s MY feelings! That feeling of how someone made me feel is solely owned by me; no one else can share in on that feeling of how I feel about something. I can express my feelings to others about how someone else made me feel and they could even chose to feel the same way I do about it, but again, those feelings belong solely to the individual and is a personal decision to feel that way over any other way of choosing to feel. So knowing that, is it really fair to impose the way I chose to feel on someone else whom is the accuser of making me feel that way? Because I also have the choice to feel happy, thankful, or nothing at all and that still would have nothing to do with anyone else.
Do people really have that much power over me to make me feel a certain way? Like, I could be having a great day and everything is perfect and then all of a sudden out of nowhere here comes Suzy and Suzy being Suzy she says something that just pissed me off and ruined my day with her bad attitude! Suzy’s a powerful person in my life; I gave her the power to change the whole direction of my day. Why did I do that though? If Suzie has what I think is a bad attitude that shouldn’t mean I should have one too!
What tends to happen is that since someone has upset me then I feel the need to express to them how they made me feel usually with anger, attitude, or aggression. It also goes the other way too; when someone makes me feel good I want to treat them good to express that I appreciate how good they make me feel.
Tell me something: Is anyone really making us feel anything? Should other people and outside factors dictate how we should act and feel? Do you believe in victims and villains?
I’m changing who I am as I type this. I can’t guarantee you’ll like who I will become and I can’t guarantee I will care. Its not that I don’t care about you, its that I don’t care to care about how you feel about how I do me. It’s because there’s too many you’s! If I started caring about your feelings then I have to care about ALL YOUR FEELINGS! I’d likely drive myself crazy.
From here on out I’m taking a pledge to myself to stop making other people feel responsible for my feelings. I’m vowing to stay breezy as often as I can. If I fall short I’ll do better in the next moment. And I will continue to do my best to always act from a place of authenticy so that no matter how someone receives my actions, I’ll know that I did the best I could and I was as honest as I could have been in that moment. And I expect the same from everyone else that is reflecting back on me in my mirror.